Denita Quackenbush

English 1102

Professor Lindberg

23 April 2012

Meaninglessness

My throat to the sky

is soft and sharp.

Wavering to and fro

the frog is saying not now.

The moon is cut

from an important bruise.

The cloud is kissed

by the big, wet red.

The rock is surprised

at how important the belief is.

To turn the eye away

could curve it’s cool meaninglessness.

English 1102

         This semester in English 1102 it has been very interesting. I have confirmed the fact that I DO NOT like research papers. They just are not my cup of tea. I have enjoyed our talks in class. I will miss this group of kids. You have made me rethink many ideas in my life. It has been a long time since my brain has been used in this manner. I like reading the short stories, plays and poems and taking them apart. I do wish that we could have spent more time doing this. I really enjoy looking at literature this way I just need so much more practice to clear out all of the cobwebs. Starting college at my age has not been easy, but it has been very rewarding. I watch the kids in class and long for their youth; however, I would want to have an appreciation for it also, which is something they lack. I have always loved to read I just don’t make the time for it anymore, but Mrs. Lindberg’s enthusiasm for the written word has ignited my desire to read again. Her enthusiasm is contagious. Anything that can get someone so excited must be special. I could sit for hours just listening to her read. I wish everyone the best and hope to run into you guys in the future. I really do hate for our time together to end. Thank you all!!!

Two Simple Words

Two Simple Words

Two simple words

I should say

I just thought

There would be another day

It was you that held me tight

The day my grandma died

The first time my heart was broken

On your shoulder I cried

Arm and arm we walked

Before you gave me away

The look on your face

Said all you had to say

The day the doctor said

What we had started to fear

Your days with us

May not last the year

Two simple words

I should say

I just thought

There would be another day

I should have said it

The chance I had

Now it’s  gone…

Thank You, Dad

What are we teaching our daughters?

The other day, in the library at Highlands, there was a performance by a group of students celebrating women in history. It chronicled the lives of just a few of the women in history that helped pave the way for young women today. After watching the video (because I had to work) I can see the great strides that women’s rights have made; however, after sitting in class , watching the videos, and listening to the kids I realize that we still have so much farther to go. There were so many emotions flying that day and I have to admit that some of them were mine. Some of the comments were blowing me away and not in a good way.

As far back as I can remember all I have ever wanted was to be a mother. God has blessed me four times over with this dream. I can still remember when my first daughter was a baby and wishing she would look just like me. What the HELL was I thinking???? I can also remember being a small girl and hating how I looked so why would I wish this on my sweet baby girls is beyond me. Both of my girls turned out to be beautiful; however, they both struggle in believing this to be true. I know my family has told them almost on a daily basis just how lovely they are so I have to wonder why they don’t see what we see.

But after this past week I am beginning to understand why. After watching the performance we can all see how far women have come over time. From not being able to vote to being able to run a fortune five hundred company if that is their dream. But during class I also realized that there is still so much farther to go. I saw that no matter how much I tell my daughters they are beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, funny, and worthy, the world is telling them something different. On T.V., in ads, in movies, in videos, in magazines: they are taught that to be worth anything they have to be emaciated and flawless. We know as rational adults that no one is flawless and emaciated is not attractive.  But if we keep allowing this message then we will continue having the problem of convincing our daughters that they are beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, funny, and worthy.

I think Mrs. Lindberg said it best; the solution can only come through education. When you look at a person on the inside the outside becomes more attractive. It is hard to judge someone by how they look when you know what is in their heart. A persons true beauty comes from within.

Martha Stewart??????

When I first read this assignment I wasn't sure who to write about. The problem is when when a person is a hypocrite most people are not aware that they are being lied to. However; after some thought I was able to come up with quite few. See when you lose everything: your job, your car, and your house. You find out real quick who your real friends are. I not going to write about them though, because the biggest hypocrite I have encountered used to be my neighbor. When we moved here she was one of the first people that I met. After this meeting I was very intimidated. All I have ever wanted was to be a mom and my neighbor was the ultimate mother and wife. I actually told her I was living next to Martha Stewart. She made bread from scratch, they didn't have cable T.V., and the only phone was the house phone. Needless to say I felt like a complete failure. I lived next to her for several years and she was able to keep up this facade for awhile, but then all of the blocks started to fall. First my husband started seeing her leave at all hours of the night. Then her husband started catching her lying. She was supposed to be at the soccer game and when he called her friends no one had seen her all day. You see she had starting having and affair. This behavior went on for some time. There was no real proof yet. We only had our suspicions. Then she made a big mistake. She was caught at work with the man she was having the affair with in a book closet. The worst part was she worked at an elementary school. The school that her kids went to. When I realized that this was the kind of person she was I was extremely disappointed, and for a long time she kept letting people think that she was the perfect mother and wife. I was a huge mistake on her part. Her oldest son who had been a straight A student started failing and doing drugs and she had cable T.V. put in her house and her elementary age child received a cell phone. The lying was bad, but what made it hard was trying to explain to my kids why their friends were getting all of these things without telling them about the affair. I don't think people consider just how far reaching the damage can go. They are only thinking of themselves.

Anything

    Isn't this the way it always goes. All semester I have wanted to be able to just blog about anything I wanted to; however, now that I can write about anything that I want to of course I can't think of anything. After class; however, now I am full of thoughts and questions and ideas. So many that my fingers can't keep up. See I am so old that this idea of taking apart a piece of literature is foreign to me. Everything that I have read in the past 30 years has been purely for entertainment. I don't even think about taking it apart. I just want to know did I get to escape my life for a few hours and go somewhere where the worries weren't mine. If it wasn't that it was Diary of a Wimpy Kid or Disney or some other G rated reading or movie that was family appropriate. I do enjoy what I am doing now and wish that I had started so much earlier. One so I could have enjoyed it for all of this time and two so I wouldn't be so lost in class. As I sit here and listen I am amazed by the fact that Southern Writers are held in such high esteem, because in my limited experience in life southern people have been looked down on and thought of as poor, uneducated people. I do understand my experience is very limited. I also have to wonder did Eudora Welty really put that much thought into what she was writing (like the name of the main character in A Worn Path- Phoenix) or did she just sit down and write a story about something simply because she enjoyed to write. Although I do regret not starting earlier I am just glad that I did start, and if I don't do anything else with my life I hope that I can help my children find an appreciation for starting earlier and hopefully never stopping.

Is Troy Maxson a racist?

For years racism has been an issue for many people. Unfortunately it still exists today in some form or another. The play Fences by August Wilson is set in a time when the issues of racism are starting to change for the better. The main character of the play, Troy Maxson, has dealt with the injustice of racism for his entire life. He uses many of the phrases that today would be thought of as derogatory like “nigger” and “the white man,” but to him they are just words of description because he calls his sons and friends “nigger”.   After reading the play I do not; however, feel that Troy Maxson is a racist. Although Troy had been treated different due to his race I feel all he wants is to live his life and not be held back because of his color. He has a strong principle that a man should put in a hard days work and take care of his family financially. Troy just does not want to be told what to do by someone else and at this place and time it is the white man that is in charge. Troy has a hard time giving much else to his family like love and support. This lack of compassion and his belief that his son will face the racist treatment he received while trying to play baseball has kept him from supporting his son’s dreams. He fought his racist treatment and was the first black man to drive a garbage truck. Even with everything he has faced in life I still feel that he just wants to make his money and be left alone even by his family.

The Worth of a Man?

When Charley told Willy “…all we have in the world is what we sell…” I believe he was trying to make Willy understand that all a man has is his job and what he does. I think because in the 1940’s men were very defined by their jobs and what they did for a living. Charley was telling Willy if he wasn't selling then his life didn't matter. He was trying to point out that he was a failure. Willy was so worried about being successful and having his son’s amount to something, but he wasn't even willing to look for another job. Charley was offering him a job and Willy was too proud to take it. Willy had spent his entire life wanting his dream and never took the time to realize that his job, the center of his dream, was a big reason for his dream failing. I think to a certain extent men are still judged by their job and how much money they make. I do; however, feel that the role of the husband/father in the family has changed somewhat since 1940. I know that my husband is a lot more involved with our kids than my dad ever was. It can also be very hard for a man to be judged by his job or paycheck in the economical times we are having now. There are so many men that are making less than they used to or don't have a job at all. This is making it impossible for them to provide for their families financially. They just need to know that there is so much more than money that they provide. They can still give support, acceptance, understanding, and love. These things, in the long run, are much more important than the nicest clothes, newest car, or biggest house.

Death of a Sal

    
After reading the first act of "The Death of a Salesman" I knew exactly who I would cast in the roles of the two brothers. I feel that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck would do an excellent job of portraying these characters. The physical description of the brothers fits these two gentlemen to a tee. They are both strong and good-looking. I would love to see Ben Affleck play Biff. Ben could portray the character that was an all star in high school, the popular jock, and ladies man that just didn't seem to measure up after high school. He knows he wants to move out west and find a job on a ranch; however this is far from the life his dad wants for him. Matt Damon would do a wonderful job expressing the attitude of Happy. Even though, Happy is anything but, Matt would be able to show the many layers of this son. He lived in his brother's shadow all through high school and now that Biff has lost his way Happy's mediocre life has put him on top for a change. Neither of the men has lived up to their father's expectations for them. This has left both of the brothers with some major character flaws. Biff keeps taking things from the jobs he is working and Happy is too forceful with the ladies, and also has no morals when it comes to his relationships.
     After giving it some thought, I realized that the reason I liked Matt Damon for the role was in part because of outstanding job he did with his character in "Good Will Hunting". So it only makes sense that Robin Williams play his father. Robin Williams is best known for his comedy acting; however, he is an amazing dramatic actor also. Robin would be able to dwell deep into the depths of the father and what compels him to be the man he is. His strong desire to be successful and how that desire has lead him to lie to his family and cheat on his wife and has made his children feel like failures; even though he hasn’t achieved that success either.

     The role of the mother will be cast with Diane Keaton. She is a strong female and will be able to share with the audience not only the old fashion side of the wife that takes care of her husband, house, and children. She will also be able to show the strong silent side that knows that the husband is not telling her the truth about his sales number, but doesn't make him feel like less of a man. She does just the opposite and tells him that he is a wonderful provider, while staying strong for the family. Diane would be able to show that Linda is actually stronger than Willy.

The American Dream

What is the American Dream anyways? It used to be a family: a husband, a wife, two kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. Oh and the picket fence was in front of the family home. The home filled with home cooked meals and happy laughter. Now the families are broken the kids are fighting and the home is being foreclosed. So what is the dream about today? I believe the dream is still to love someone and to be loved. I believe the dream is to be successful; however that success can be different for each person. I know I have my dream. I have a husband that I love and who loves me and I have four wounderful children. We even have the dog. The house and the success part we are still working on. I think I may be crazy to go to college at my age, but it is something that I always wondered if I could do and so now I am trying. So far I have enjoyed it and the time is flying, but so is my life and sometimes i feel as if I will be ready to retire by the time I graduate. Well I really feel like to achieve the dream we have to come to a point where we are happy with what we have and the journey we are on and realize we are not just waiting on the end.

The beautiful smell of a memory!

     There is one smell in this world that never fails to take me back home. Not the home I share with my family now, but the home where I was young and Innocent and safe. The place where I grew up. Still to this day if I smell peanut brittle I go back to that special time when all I wanted to do was play barefoot outside. A time when the only worry I had was how late my mom going to let me stay out. I grew up in the best neighborhood. It was full of kids of all ages and we spent everyday outside. We built forts and rode bikes and made mud pies. We had enough kids to make two kickball teams, and there was a permanent diamond wore in our front yard from the nightly games. This was such a wonderful time in my life.
    My mom was the best cook ever, and every night she would make us the most tasty southern meal. The weekends were the best, because that is when she would make her special peanut brittle for dessert. In the brief moments that I would stop my adventures and go inside it was all I could smell. The aroma alone can make me feel like I am back there again.
     One day I was sharing this memory with my daughter when my mom overheard. She proceeded to tell me the rest of the story. See, what to me had been a magical time of fun and innocence was the opposite for my mother. During this time things were rough for my parents. We didn't have a lot of money, as a result my mother had started watching a boy after school. His mom would pay her seven dollars a week for this service. This was all the money my mother would have to feed our family of five. As you can imagine this was very stressful for her; however, through her food that was so lovingly made I was protected from it.
     I thank God for my mama and the smell of peanut brittle!

What was for dinner?

For dinner we had homemade tacos. Well as homemade as we get.

shells were made by Ole el Paso
ground beef came from Ingles
lettuce also from Ingles
cheese was Kraft
sour cream was Breakstone's/Kraft
there was also salsa but I don't eat the salsa

     This semester couldn't have come at a better time. I have recently been to several doctors to find out why I am not feeling as good as I should. I have gladly found out that there is not anything wrong with my health. That is the good news. The bad news is that I still do not feel good. I won't go into the details, but I will say that I am on a quest to feel better.
     I did not plan it this way, but I am taking three classes that seem to be helping me with my quest. They are having me examine my physical, mental, and spiritual health.  Now that I know I do not have any chronic illness I have started looking at how I am eating and spending my time.
     With all of that said I am ashamed to say I have absolutely no idea where any of the food I ate for dinner came from. As a result this will be one of my first steps to a better me. I will try and be aware of where my food comes from.

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